PHASES.

pre-death.

Pre- Death:

When a Death Doula, or Spirit Midwife mentions the term "pre-death planning" people automatically assume the role being referred to is advanced directives, end-of-life documents, or funeral planning. Although a doula can help with those they also have many other roles.

  • A calm or nonjudgmental mediator, with a segue into difficult conversations that still need to be addressed with a person who is dying before they move on to the active phase.

  • Act as an educator, teaching at universities, libraries, schools, senior centers, assisted living facilities, and health fairs.

  • Attendees at death cafés where Doula's can function in the role, not only of a coordinator with advances in what doulas can offer, but also simplifying paperwork that may seem overwhelming to the person or the family.

  • They bridge a gap, communicating with the hospice care team, regarding any needs of the dying and their loved ones not previously addressed.

  • They offer an abundance of resources, offering assistance to families and the dying with volunteers,design templates  to help monitor needs on a daily basis.

  • A confidant for the dying, for anything they are afraid to discuss with family. A sort- of "Spirit Best Friend".

  • A companion at hospital visits.

  • Someone to plan for and arrange for what the person wants/needs during the active phase of dying.

  • Write Eulogies and Obituaries

  • Providing a calm, peaceful surrounding and plans for pre-death needs.

actively dying.

As the end of life nears, a person will need increased rest, will require a little or no food, or ask for limited amounts of water or favorite drinks. In our culture, families want to do something to help the person, and also to keep them occupied. Much of our society and culture is surrounded by food and so for a person not to want either food or water is often frustrating for families. They do not want a person to die of starvation or dehydration. A Doula is instrumental in explaining the body needs necessary to release the body from previous ones to a lack of those in the present. Some other examples of where they can also help are listed below.

Actively Dying Assistance:

  • Define needs of the dying with needs of family and friends.

  • Share exactly what the person expressed during the pre-death phase.

  • Present letters, memoirs, recipes, journals, etc the dying asked go to family and friends prior to the active dying phase

  • Alleviate concerns regarding obituaries or eulogies that the doula can write for the family

  • Define and teach non- medical sources of comfort

  • Provide a calm and compassionate environment

  • Explain the symptoms: what is normal  when actively dying and why interventions are needed

  • Can be a companion for the family 

  • Provide a sitting vigil allowing the family to rest

  • Guide and help loved ones to say good-bye

  • Provide solace, relaxation techniques, Aromatherapy, Reiki, massage etc

  • Provide guided meditations and rituals specific to a person's religious faith or spirituality.

post-death.

Post-Death activities ,as other previously noted stages are individualized. It is important to discuss prior to the death expectations regarding, cultural or religious needs, cleansing the body, attire before or after transportation to the funeral home, IF the decision is made for a traditional funeral or alternatives. Whenever possible, the more planning in advance the better, but as in life, we are often caught unawares and find ourselves facing an onslaught of decisions to be suddenly addressed. Having a doula in place beforehand supplies support to the loved ones left behind, a calming presence, the ability to alleviate stress and educate the family or friends what their options are. Immediately following the death family or friends may feel what is commonly referred to as " Grief Relief. " This is especially true for those who have cared for a terminally loved one for weeks, months, or years whether at home or in a facility: guilt often supersedes logic. Working through these emotions is tantamount to healing. It is important to remember the loved one who has transitioned to the other side wants to know the ones they left behind are being cared for.

Post Death Decisions; A Partial List of Doula Assistance:

  • Coordination and communication with funeral homes, crematoriums, etc for services requested

  • Care of the body based on state or country laws

  • Post Death Family support

  • Assistance with after death paperwork

  • Pack up and removal of personal items for donation

  • Bereavement, Spiritual, and Grief support

TESTIMONIALS.

  • “I cannot thank you enough for you support for our mother, a holocaust survivor. I don’t know how we would have done this without you."

    Love, L. Z.

  • “Please join us with our celebration of life with our mother. I cannot thank you enough for all you did to help us bridge this difficult transition with our mother."

    M. H.